miz_playa (miz_playa) wrote,
miz_playa
miz_playa

[3] Is The Most Miserable Number of Them All


Look.
Peaches. Kids. Homies. Hombres. Fuckers.
When everything is going your way (which never happens with me but lets just pretend it does) there is a hahayourfucked law that rips you a new handy dandy asshole (or vagina hole...you don't really get to choose.)

It starts with a phone call.
I don't care if you don't fucking have a phone.
It all starts with a phone call because I fucking said so.

Namely from your boss who decides to play favorites with a brand new hostess who has called in the fuckload of sick days.
Which is completely unreasonable when in theory...
the three years (holyfuckingshitthreefuckingyears)
you have worked there,
you never took a fucking sick day.

So someone explain.
How the FUCK the new girl can take off a shitload of sick days?
Well.
No one knows.
We just know we have to cover her fucking shifts.
So when I get a phone call about how I need to come in for a shift I said I would cover (for reference: no I fucking did not)
I am infuriated to the point that I am in tears.
I must say that tears are quite becoming on me.

I cancel my dinner.
and my gym date.
I go into work and approach my boss about firing her.
I got a lame response of: you don't know what I know.

Dude.
I don't care if she has cancer.
Which sounds horrible (in theory.)
But seriously.
If she is that sick.
Get someone else.
End of story.
Oh geez Sally you are so sympathetic!
Yeah fuck sympathy.
It only got me nothing.

End/Bad Thing Number One.

Backing up to Friday.
The one good thing that came out of Friday was running over a cat.
...god I wish that really happened.

So I am supposed to have an appointment with this detective (whohelpedmesofuckingmuch) and he totally takes the day off KNOWING he told me to come in and see him.
I mean seriously dude.
I just need you to answer three questions you doughnut fat bellied fuck.
The only reason I remained calm (until three steps out of the building) was because Mr. HOLY SHIT I AM HOT SEXY AND 23!!!! was the secretary...the secretary cop...the cop secretary...
you know what.
Hotness doesn't need to be questioned.

Reference: I need quotes for an article I am creating for a journalism class which pertains to my favorite man.who.masturbated.next.to.me story.

End/ Bad Thing Number Two

My favorite thing ever happened approximately one hour ago when I was getting out of the gym after running on something I call the stairmasterfuckingbitch.

Of course I never pay for parking permits.
Psht.
Who does that?
Oh I don't know.
People who don't want fucking tickets?
OH
and did I mention PEOPLE who don't want fucking TICKETS?

So.
Naturally.
I walk up to the car.
and on the windshield is my favorite notice EVER
the one that says "read immediately"
I didn't need to read it to know what it was.
So I simply threw it to the ground and yelled out FUCK before realizing I kind of needed it...
picked it back up calmly.
Then prayed whoever wrote it became crippled after being repeatedly raped and then hit by a fucking SEMI.

Like I said.
Three things.
And I think I handled them all with a steady temper.

End/ Bad Thing Number Three.
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